helio365isms

Month

April 2011

30 posts

No. 171

The art teacher told us to draw inside the lines. I drew inside the printed lines, inside the lines of the sides of the paper, and inside the lines carved on my desk. The girl who bites her nails when she looks at me said, “It’s colorful.” I said, “It looks like your socks.” Her friend said, “We are going to be late for the bus!”

I was pushed from the middle of the swinging bridge in the northwest corner of the playground five days ago. The recess monitor ran over, stopped, and said, “You aren’t bleeding.” I said, “That is correct. But my knees are dented.” He held my hand while he called the auto mechanics two blocks down the road.

On Mother’s Day when the art teacher asked me to whom I was addressing my card, I said, “The man who built me,” and she said, “He can’t be your mother, he’s a scientist you’ve never met.” I know two other children who have never met their mothers, and I exist because I grew out of his efforts to create a living being, but I did not say that to the art teacher. She tells me that I am ‘talking back’ every time I try to continue a conversation with her, and then she says, “Little robot boys shouldn’t be so sassy; I should have a word with this scientist.” I would like to have many words with him, preferably starting with, “Hello,” and possibly, “I am Karl.”

Apr 11, 2011
No. 170

“Johannes?”

“I am here.”

“Can we get a baby? I want one.”

“You know we aren’t eligible. We still have to pass this year’s annuals before our income and living quarters undergo evaluation.”

“I know.”

“But you still want one.”

“We’ve kept plants and pets. We’ve excelled in every annual so far - I talked to Mimi after she and Victoria took theirs, and we could easily jump a few tests forward, probably. I mean, we’re certainly more prepared than our parents were when they had us.”

“They didn’t have regulations to ensure that they were mentally, emotionally, and fiscally capable of raising children. My mother was- “

“Nineteen, I know, and still living with her parents. Didn’t even have a steady source of income. But you turned out great! I mean, obviously I think you did.”

“I think we’re perfectly capable of taking care of kids.”

“But you don’t want any?”

“I’m just not sure how to acquire my sperm from the bank, barring a heist.”

“Ahhhh, well- “

“I’m going to pretend you don’t have heist plans at the ready.”

“Ah. Well.”

“Three years hence, you’ll be holding bundles of shrieking, vomiting joy, and this hassle will have been worth it. Sixteen years hence, those bundles will be starting teenage angst hell, and this hassle will seem like a bagatelle in hindsight. Either way, it’s for the best.”

“I am going to rob the bank this weekend.”

“Let me know how that goes.”

“Good night, Johannes.”

“Good night.”

Apr 10, 2011
No. 169

This is a love letter to your body. It’s an exultation in your curves and your straight lines, in your hard muscles and your soft hair; a celebration of the grace with which you gesture during an impassioned speech and the awkwardness with which you approach an object of your affection. It is a rejoicing over you.

Take this love and pour it into your fingertips. Hide it under your tongue and rub it on the soles of your feet. Write, speak, walk with this love that I am giving - all of my love, for all of you. I have kept it all this time just for the slight tilt your head acquires when it’s trying to understand something puzzling, and just for the way you paddle your feet when you’re particularly pleased. I delight in these motions, and in the fifty others that move your limbs without you even noticing.

Don’t accept my love if you don’t want to, but know that I see your fingers twist into each other and your hair and your sleeves when you’re nervous. I like catching the little idiosyncratic directions your mouth jumps in when you speak freely. Everything that makes you human - everything that makes you you - deserves love, simply because it is. Because it is, and in simply being, it is wonderful in such a mundane way that it transcends the most beautifully artificial bodies and the most perfectly crafted personas.

You are lovely. Here is my love.

Apr 8, 2011
No. 168

Translation is like picking up a paintbrush for the first time: you have a good idea of what needs to appear on the canvas, but painting the right shapes with the right colors in the right places is easier said than done.

Translation is like raising a child: you think you know what you’re dealing with, but the more you try to shape it to your will and at the same time keep it true to itself, the more you realize you had no clue what you were signing up for with this project.

Translation is like singing along to the music in your headphones: you know what it’s supposed to sound like, and as long as you don’t drown the song out entirely, it’s great fun. Then again, if your voice isn’t good in its own right, there’s nothing you can do that won’t automatically be making the song worse.

Translation is what each of us do all day, every day, when we understand ideas and explain them to others; when we read books or watch movies or hear music or taste food; when we talk to friends; when we walk down the street. Each of us interprets the world differently, and each of us passes on what we see in a unique way. Only in the narrowest sense of the word is translation confined to passing between languages and nothing else.

Translation is an artistic endeavor, a labor of love, and an expression of talent.

Translation is life.

Apr 8, 2011
No. 167

Six-Word Tales of Gendered Society:

White male: no ovaries, melanin, problems.

Any female: hormones, prejudice, beauty angst.

Everything else: wait, you actually exist?

Apr 6, 2011
No. 166

Sometimes, in life, there are things you have no control over.

This is a lie.

Think you can’t control the weather? Go drive your SUV around for fifty years. Send that paper to a landfill, and that glass, and that plastic. Keep every light in your house on, buy a spin dryer for your clothes, turn the air conditioning up. Go ahead.

Think you can’t control that jerk on the street who made you spill your morning coffee and didn’t even apologize? Forget him, but never do the same to anyone else. Always take the time to chat, or at least to smile. Give things away, especially hugs and the benefit of the doubt. Don’t assume anyone is dumb, crude, or grumpy - assume that everyone you meet is intelligent, lovely, and happy, even if it’s not immediately apparent. If you believe it, you can coax it out of them eventually. You’ll be surprised at how quickly the number of jerks at large will shrink.

Think you can’t control someone’s death? Take a deep breath or three, sit down with a cup of hot chocolate, and reconcile yourself with the part of your life that they occupied. Do it over until their death is no longer a word with ugly connotations, but instead something with as much potential beauty as their life; until it holds as much or as little joy, fear, and love for you as their life did. Then, you may do with their death what you wish.

Apr 6, 2011
No. 165

Some pigeons settled down the corridor from the flutist. They hadn’t meant to go underground - there was something off-putting about being in a space without sky that got under their skin if they spent too much time in the subway system. This corridor had many people in it, though, and they were hoping to snag some crumbs to fortify themselves for their quest upward.

Occasionally, a person appeared at one end of the tiled corridor and walked straight through to the other end without dropping anything tasty, but most of the people were paying a lot of attention to the flutist. He was moving around in a weirdly jerky way that the pigeons didn’t think looked productive, but the people closest to him were jerking at the same times he was, so they chalked it up to human craziness and kept their eyes on the floor.

A loud noise from the crowd sent the pigeons flapping. They couldn’t tell the difference between normal flute playing and flute playing with simultaneous beatboxing, and were thus more annoyed at the applause than appreciative of the art. The humans showed their appreciation by dropping lots of shiny, inedible things on the ground; a particularly rotund bird waddled over to peck at one, but had little luck ingesting it.

Several hours later, the flutist left a bagel behind. After two minutes, the pigeons moved en masse to see if he was hiding any more food or, perhaps, knew the way to the sky.

Apr 4, 2011
No. 164

It was one o’clock in Alex’s room, and nothing had stirred in a week. Pennies dotted the floor under a fermenting layer of socks, which was hidden beneath a carpet of discarded paper. Surfaces held mountains of unwashed dishes. The bed hadn’t been made in ten days.

It was two o’clock in Alex’s room, and the crumpled papers began to smooth themselves out and fold into wings, noses, rudders - airplanes. Clothing that littered the ground jumped in high arcs to huddle in the closet. Dirty dishes consolidated on the dresser, and miscellaneous other possessions marched into a tidy row on the desk. The windows creaked open to let in some much-needed air.

It was three o’clock in Alex’s room, and over the general cleaning, newly formed airplanes hovered in an increasingly dense flock. They crept over the mostly empty shelves, avoiding the one set of now-neat textbooks. Some stayed just over the floor or fridge or bed, but many flew higher; the most daring cut in and out of the different latitudes, ruffling some edges and eventually settling somewhere in the middle. With everything in place, only one task remained.

It was four o’clock in Alex’s room, and, grudgingly, the first airplane threw up a length of yarn. More followed suit, until finally, every plane was fixed to the ceiling by a tack, turning idly in the slight draft from the window.

It was five o’clock in Alex’s room, and nothing was stirring.

At six o’clock, Alex came home.

Apr 3, 2011
No. 163

The group paid rapt attention to their lace-clad hostess as she peered through her hat veil and explained the dishes in front of them. When she had finished, murmurs ran round the table.

“Would you be so kind as to pass me the cucumber sandwiches?” the girl with the top hat asked her neighbor, leaning in hungrily. Her bloodshot eyes followed the plate’s progress, and she tipped her head forward slightly to be able to see over her glasses when it was delivered into her hands. “You’re so very kind.”

Heads clad in elegant hats bent over crustless sandwiches and scones slathered in clotted cream. Teacups clinked on saucers. A jasmine flower unfurled bit by bit in a glass teapot. Conversation picked up with tales of the April pranks from the day before; later, it would turn to scheming for pranks to be executed the following day. The company cackled, clapped, and stomped their feet with glee not infrequently.

Appearances were not discussed, though it was perhaps their most intriguing feature. The degrees of haphazardness ranged from suits with casually free shirttails to an assortment of finery most likely to be found in a thrift store, a party emporium, and a fifth-grader’s jewelry box - when the group dispersed, the soap bubbles trailing one of its members turned less heads than her getup did. She added a jaunty walk, mimicking the prancing of shoeless friend who was trying to keep the feeling in his toes. It was a lovely day.

Apr 2, 2011
No. 162

The human shrugged its pack higher onto its shoulders. Its footsteps dug into the soft dirt. This tickled a little, and, far away, the earth fidgeted, accidentally setting off a minor volcanic eruption. The human had a long way to go yet, if it was trying to go someplace new - creatures like it had seen everything for miles and miles around, thanks to many generations of hunting and gathering. True wilderness wouldn’t come for another few weeks.

*

The wind put the scent of lavender in my face the day after I left home. Now I was smelling it again, half a life later. I’d had to sneak out in the dead of night then, and the dream of a pristine frontier had kept my pace brisk. I’d wanted a valley with my name on it, and if I had to traverse half the world to get there, so much the better! I could discover the strange animals over the mountains in the process, and the wild landscapes rising to meet the sea. Now my pace is less brisk, my dream less pristine. It is time to decide on that valley.

*

The earth dipped gently where the human lay down. It covered the human with a blanket of leaves as best it could and put its pieces to good use once they let themselves be dismantled. That was the best the earth could do for anyone. For the first time, it wondered if this might be a shame.

Apr 1, 2011
No. 161

My dearest,

News indeed! And you waited half the letter to tell me! Now I have another reason to sort this business out quickly. Honest, I never expected to have to travel all the way to the city to petition for payment. The others say that I have a good chance without my foot, and I can prove it was lost defending an officer. I still haven’t found Captain Asgaard, but I may not need his word. Perhaps my country does still value me.

It is as you say, we built our house in the right place. I worry less when I think about Lena being so kind to you. I will make you a carriage to match hers when I am home again - but first I will make a cradle. If the women keep trading for your sewing, and if I come home with a good sum and carve things to sell, maybe it will not be so bad that I am crippled. The only thing I cannot do is dance, for I am all left feet now!

Tell me that did not make you smile.

I must go to drink wine with Frederick. He is buying some to celebrate the baby. He says it will be the loveliest child for many miles, because you are so obedient and lovely. He always flatters you too much, my brother, but I cannot be cross with him now that he has helped me come here.

All of my kisses,

Niels

Mar 31, 2011

March 2011

31 posts

No. 160

Dear Niels,

It has snowed again, and with what vigor! I went outside only long enough to fetch an armful of wood, and when I came back in I could peel the snow off my front in strips. All I can do now is wait and pray the sun comes back. I’m glad I hadn’t planted those lilies-of-the-valley you brought me back for Christmas yet - the seeds are still where you hid them, on the windowsill above the sink. I like to see them when I wash up.

Anja keeps trying to find you in the shed. I think she must smell you on the carvings and tools - anyway, she likes to sleep in the pile of wood shavings now, and it looks so comfortable that I let her, even though there are always a thousand little bits clinging to her fur when she gets up.

I am really writing because I have news. Are you sitting down, Niels? We’re going to have a baby! I know we weren’t planning for one, but this way you’ll be coming home about when I’ll be unable to keep house anymore. Leah from down the road - you know, with that handsome carriage - has promised to send her youngest son Peter over to help me on bad days, and she has started knitting little booties, too. It is nice to be here and have friendly neighbors, isn’t it?

Write and tell me what you think!

A lifetime of love,

Else

Mar 30, 2011
No. 159

Eighteen Clouds felt like his sister had looked the day she had been crawling around out of sight and eaten whole handfuls of moonseeds - that is to say, he felt confused, guilty, and very ill. Not because of a bad plant; Eighteen Clouds knew plants. Indeed, it looked as if he might have known a bit too much about plants and not quite enough about people.

He had just wanted something to tend. His wife hadn’t left any children behind when she traveled into the next world, but a tree had grown where he had put her in the ground, so he loved that instead. Every time the seasons pulled him back to that forest, he looked after it. As time passed, he had included more plants in his family, and soon he had relatives wherever he went. He supposed it was when some of his children started bearing fruit that people took notice.

It had all gotten out of hand after that. They had wanted the plants for their harvest, not for their company, and had then begun seeing animals the same way. Eighteen Clouds had been reluctant to believe this about the people, but then they set fire to the trees to clear an area of grass for their animals. The crackling of his favorite daughter’s bark had almost been worse than the screams that rose when the wind turned the flames back on the people. Now only Eighteen Clouds remained.

He ate some moonseeds by mistake.

Mar 29, 2011
No. 158

She’s got black boots up to her knees, leather and classy and exactly the kind of footwear I pined for when I was ten and already had feet bigger than most women’s shoes. Her purse matches the boots. It’s a rather somber outfit she’s got on - dark jeans, a black jacket, black accessories, and a face that doesn’t exactly brighten up the ensemble. I think she may be sleeping, or at least trying to.

She sways gently with the motion of the train, like the rest of the passengers, but doesn’t relinquish the tight grip on her purse. Otherwise, she looks more relaxed than I’ve been for weeks. I guess I’m jealous of that. She has glasses, too - discreet, wire-rimmed, oval ones - and I used to want glasses when I was younger. (People who have them always look incredulous when I reminisce about it, but I don’t think it’s nearly as crazy as kids who wanted braces. I had braces. Braces hurt.)

She probably makes this commute every day to a good internship, but I can’t guess what she does there. Honestly, if I didn’t have a personal connection to boots and glasses, she might not have any distinguishing features for me at all; her hair is straight and dyed blond, and her cherry-red fingernails are well-kept. Every city has armies of women who would fit her description, but for one thing: the lone yellow balloon fastened to and persistently tugging at the handle of her purse.

Mar 28, 2011
No. 157

The sun rises.

Presently, Stella wakes to find, for the first time in thirteen years, an empty bowl. She relocates to the arm of the sofa and falls back into irritated slumber. It is many days before she is able to force her way outdoors, at which point raw hunger has driven everything but hunting instincts from her mind. She does not wonder why her food supply disappeared suddenly.

All around the block, the scenario is repeating itself - the squirrel population suffers a serious blow. It was a block of cat enthusiasts.

Half a world away, draft animals free themselves to stretch their legs and assuage their rumbling guts. A cow whose delivery date was just a tad too late bellows with the strain of unassisted childbirth. Her calf is one of the first successfully born into this new regime; he will never get a good handle on the smell of human. Foragers, noting its conspicuous absence, venture into what once were homes and ransack what once were pantries. Inexorably, flora follows the fauna.

Without management, fields are as lost as the cities. The tallest, newest buildings crumble first, and the most heavily cultivated fields are subsumed first. Only the older stone structures no longer suffering the sting of acid rain remain - but this does not last. After the ocean swallows most of the carbon dioxide in the air and the glaciers resume their outings, even glass, the most durable human product, is finally pulverized.

The sun sets.

Mar 28, 2011
No. 156

Quite far from where we live, there was once a village that went about its daily business with extraordinary care and goodwill, respecting the jungle whose edge it hugged and looking after creatures large and small. The denizens of this jungle met one day to discuss how to return the villagers’ favors.

“I have heard them cry for lack of water,” said the elephant.

“I have seen their tears dry up for lack of water,” said the owl.

“I have smelled them die for lack of water,” said the snake.

And so it was decided that the village would be provided with a well. The anteater gathered his brothers and burrowed until a place of much water was found, right under the center of the village. As soon as this news reached them, the tiger and her sister sprang out of the jungle and, over the place of much water, chased each other around and around until the ground beneath them wore away. The villagers were frightened and hid themselves away, but no harm came to them. At the end of three days and three nights, the tigers climbed out of their pit and returned to the jungle.

When the villagers dared come out, they saw that what remained was a well the size of two tigers running, and much water filling it. The villagers rejoiced in the fruits of their goodwill and, ever since, have brewed with the water of that well the finest tea in all the land.

Mar 27, 2011
No. 155

He’s the kind of guy who gets upset about poor audio quality. Hipsters piss him off. He says things like “if your playback format is affected by the voltage of the power company, then it’s garbage” - not that he doesn’t love vinyl, he just makes no bones about telling what he thinks of its precision and dependability. “It’s anyone’s guess what a record might sound like when you play it,” he explains with the sincerity others might reserve for general relativity (and still others for video game strategies), “even without the scratches, the act of breathing on it can change the sound. A record will never sound as good as the first time you played it.”

The fine nuances most of his peers can’t detect in different file formats aren’t lost on him - no! In the way that colorblindness is nigh unfathomable to those without it, he has a hard time understanding how anyone can be ambivalent about crappy music files.

It can be difficult to get in his head, what with all that technical knowledge milling about. There’s barely room for another person in there. He’s more than happy to share what he knows with you, and he’s always trying to pick up new things, but that doesn’t exactly free up brain real estate for other people. Mostly, he seeks out the quantifiable information in his interactions with them.

In sum: he’s the kind of guy who gets excited about vinyl, but upset about poor audio quality.

 

Mar 26, 2011
No. 154

“What color was love?” It’s on the tip of my tongue, really, I almost have it. It was something nice, right, but sort of scary and not like anything you’d seen before? Was that it? Or am I thinking of paradigm shifts? I guess they’re related.

“I don’t remember.”

Don’t give me that. You just don’t want to tell me. I know how you like to lie sometimes, like when that stray cat gave you rabies but you said it was Dog, so I had to put him down. I bet you don’t know Ms. Nielsen told me that last week. I needed some eggs and we talked about how quiet things are now and how sad I got - she told me you were rooting around in her trash again when you started fighting that cat. I apologized on your behalf.

“I don’t either.” I wish I did remember. It’s going to bug me all week.

“That’s a beautiful question, though.”

I saw it once, out of the corner of my eye, between Dad and Ms. Nielsen’s hands late last July. Love must have been something like crazy indigo, because a wacky orange afterimage burned in the left field of my vision for days afterward. I liked it so much I never could agree to trash-talk her later, when she broke down at his funeral and everyone said she never deserved that color in the first place. I still don’t think it’s anything you can earn, that crazy indigo.

Mar 25, 20111 note
No. 153

“Ho hum.”

“Is this the end of all things?” She pulled her earlobe nervously. Baffling times, these.

“Presumably.” He didn’t look fazed. “I can’t imagine why else horses, three-legged stools, and turquoise have all vanished. Which do you think will end first, life or death?”

The question didn’t sit well with her frazzled mind. “I don’t know, do those count as things? What if death is already gone? We wouldn’t notice, I think, until life disappeared as well - if we even noticed that.” She inspected her surroundings to make sure nothing else had slipped away. “Where are my keys? Are keys gone too? What happens to locked up things?”

“Calm yourself. Your keys are probably in yesterday’s dress or your wallet or wherever else you always lose them.”

“Right. Missing keys, not unusual.”

“However, judging by our appearances, hair has just been nixed. I can’t recall my face ever being this smooth.” He thumbed his jaw thoughtfully and watched her try various calming exercises before reaching hyperventilation. “There, there. Shall we pretend that fear and sorrow are things that have vanished as well?”

She regained her composure with the speed of a child distracted from its woes and began to giggle.

“Was that such a humorous proposal?”

“Oh, no. No, it’s just that clothes are gone.”

“One could hardly fail to notice.” His right eyebrow mouth twitched upward minutely.

“I guess it’s only going to get more bizarre from here on out. Sort of exciting, isn’t it?”

“Ho hum.”

Mar 24, 2011
No. 152

In the beginning, there was Oya, the song of three parts: the high, the low, and that which is in between. These parts moved together, and in their wake they left their melodies. The low became dense and it was the earth, the high became diffuse and it was the sky, and that which is in between remained in between and it was the water.

The earth, the sky, and the water had life in them such that it grew into creatures who inhabited them. Over time, the creatures became too numerous, and the earth creatures tried to inhabit the water and the water creatures tried to inhabit the sky and the sky creatures tried to inhabit everything all at once, so that there was much confusion. The earth, water, and sky were pushed and pulled by their creatures until some water was over the earth and some under, and some sky was over the water and some under - but Oya, having traveled far, returned in time to see that this was not good.

Now Oya stayed in the place that had been left behind, and became of the substance of that place. The low became substantial and it was man, the high became substantial and it was woman, and that which was in between remained in between and it was child. Some of the damage done by the creatures was irreversible, but man, woman, and child restored order to their place, called it At Rest, and never left.

Mar 23, 2011
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